Toomuch/notenough

I get the feeling that i should have done more during high school.
But then i get the feeling that i dont care.
I also get the feeling that Im so far away from who i want to be.
I've lost alot, and gained just as much,
And yet,, i still feel something missing.
Something just isnt here.
I dont know where to find it, or even
How to start looking.
I dont know what im looking for.
Everyday your not here, the emptiness i feel
gets more and more apparent.
And sometimes i wonder if i mean as much to you
As you mean to me.
Those words you tell, too much,
Might be starting to lose their meaning.
I dont want to sit here and watch you fly,
But i will.
I will.

1,761.51 everyday.

your a thousand miles away and everyday
this gets harder.
everyday i miss you more.
and everyday we grow apart.
everyday i wish you were closer so i could see you.
and everyday this kills me inside a little bit more.
everyday i close myself away from my friends.
everyday im scared of what will happen to me and you.
You tell me we're strong enough for this, and "We" are but i might not be.
i dont know how much more of this i can take
everyday i lose a little bit more of myself.
everyday i cry a little harder.
everyday a little more time goes by.
i regret not spending all of the time i had with you.
we're 1,761.51 miles away from each other.
but sometimes i can feel you next to me,
and that hurts a million times more.
sometimes i hate you for doing this to us, to me.
but i understand why you did.
i wonder what will happen if i continue to cry everyday...
will i run out of tears?
will i become completely numb?
am i already numb?
i miss you everyday, i love you everyday,
and everyday we become two seperate people. Will you still love me when im not the same person you fell in love with?
Because honestly, everyday i become someone different.
Someone colder, someone who doesnt care,
someone who the old me would avoid.
how can i ask you to love that?
your 1,761.51 miles away and you have no idea whats happening to me here.